vizna’s Reply to “Computer Science and the Big Daydream” [an-reply]

Translated from the Chinese version by Claude. The original was written in 2020, on the blog Canarypwn kept as a sophomore.

Some rambling about “Computer Science and the Big Daydream”

To Canarypwn:

“To me, Microsoft meant high pay and lots of freedom, a place where you can make money standing up”

Microsoft isn’t… Microsoft’s pay isn’t that high. Next to the big Chinese tech companies, Microsoft Suzhou is only so-so; Beijing is all right. The freedom is decent, I guess. If you want to make money lying down, that’s Google. Maybe because I’ve been at Google, honestly, I look down on Microsoft a little. But you have to know that high pay comes with productivity. If your performance is bad you won’t do well anywhere. Foreign companies can give you high pay and freedom because their employees create more value. Capital chases profit. Besides, if you don’t want to stay at the bottom and want to climb, you have to be outstanding wherever you are, and past a certain level you’ve basically given your life to work at any company, unless you’re exceptionally efficient.

In your eyes “Microsoft” is a symbol, a kind of security, but it actually isn’t anything. Getting into Microsoft won’t bring you any real achievement. It’s just an assembly worker’s contract that pays a lot more than an assembly worker gets. Capital chases profit, and the initiative isn’t yours either, especially if you hand over your survival skills without noticing. Don’t pin your hopes on one company, or a few. You should have the confidence that you could work for nobody, go solo on your own craft, and still eat, and eat well. Saying your dream is to get into company XX really just means hoping to be a high-end corporate drone. Note that I don’t mean that negatively, because I want to be a high-end corporate drone myself. But that’s because I know what I’m after, I know what I need and why I’d be a high-end drone, and not because I want to coast until retirement. The right mindset, as I see it, is “you are all my wings”. For me, Google and places like it are wings that help me pursue my ideals. If one day all these companies were gone, I’d be sorry, but there would still be countless ways to go. Your base is your own ability and your own pursuit. “How” you walk your road can change in a thousand ways, but “what” your road is shouldn’t shift with outside things. That’s a life with real direction. But you never need to rush to find a direction. I’d rather suggest “you can’t stop running, but don’t forget to think while you run”. You can start with an idea and keep revising it as you go. p.s. Go do an internship. Or research. Or open source. Experience will slowly mature your ideas.

There’s no need to reject the “useful”. They’re “useful” because they really are useful; they’re the most effective things many people found through practice. Don’t look down on them out of youthful pride. You’ll find that going your own way takes enormous nerve and drive, and luck. Most excellent people accepted the “useful” and chose some of it. Neglecting your original creativity while chasing honors? In fact the two are often not completely opposed. While chasing “direct benefits” you should not get lost in “chasing benefits”, and should learn a lot along the way. That’s the best outcome.

Also, I’ve always believed (or say it’s my Ah Q spirit, forcing myself to feel better, that’s fine too) that every choice is just a choice, not a sacrifice, and not helplessness. When you give something up on purpose, don’t feel you’ve made a sacrifice (and so deserve respect or a reward). See it as your own choice, and then don’t feel wronged by whatever comes of it. When you’re forced to accept something, don’t cling to the past too much either. Face reality and treat it as your choice too. Each choice leads down a different branch, and none is better or worse (other people’s comparisons and judgments are just them judging by their own desires). Each is a unique experience that belongs only to you, and you can gain a lot from any of them. I enjoy every stretch of experience in life. I’m after rich experiences, an understanding of the world, and an appreciation of beauty, or call it truth. I think that’s what I’ll find most precious when I look back on my life at the end.

My overall impression after reading:

This is good thinking. To me it reads a bit young and naive, but when I think back to myself at your age, I thought the same way, maybe even more naively. So I’d encourage you to keep opening up your view; it can go wider still. What ambitions do you have for this world? What do you expect of yourself? What do you want to be like, and what life do you want to live, ten, twenty, fifty years from now? Born human, and lucky enough to be born among the luckiest 1%, do you want to do something for the world? Going even further: what are your politics? Where does your faith come from? These are far off, but an independent person ought to be clear about them, meaning what values their views on everything come from, and what they are really living for. (One more thing: I think this is what a successful undergraduate education should cultivate most. It may be getting harder in the modern technological age, but undergrad should at least give people the awareness to think, though it’s something an educated person has to think about for life.)

I’ve never taken a side on which way the wind blows on V2EX and Zhihu. I haven’t hung out on Zhihu for years, though I always hear things. vczh’s reputation isn’t exactly good, and people see him in different ways. But I’d suggest you keep a little distance from V2EX and Zhihu, and don’t let the mood there seep into your thinking without your noticing. It happens without your noticing; you may even think it’s your own independent view. These days I rarely comment on current events or read all kinds of opinions, because the older I get, the more I see how thin my own thinking is. I’d suggest you not rush to absorb, join in and voice opinions, maybe not even rush to think broadly. You should think, but not churn out and publish opinions blindly while your thinking hasn’t moved. Read books, read the classics, learn the great ideas, learn how reality really is, settle down and think deeply. Staying quiet and focused will matter more and more in the future (can you focus on one thing for hours without getting distracted for even a minute?). Of course, that’s just my view. Experience and reading will make you more mature by the day. Don’t rush anything. Going by the timeline, or even ahead of it, is actually a great choice, because you won’t be too busy, and you’ll have plenty of time to savor things and explore.

p.s. You’re reading Žižek and Lacan? Smiles like a proud old mother. Try reading more books and more viewpoints. You should know the earlier ones. Try to step outside the mindset you grew up with in China; note that this means stepping up higher to look at it, not rejecting it. A few half-full bottles (oops) among the seniors in the Chinese Literature Club would be happy to throw in some random comments.

p.p.s. vizna starts with a lowercase letter, but Ingress doesn’t care about case, so it’s fine, no need to change it. Seeing this name surprised me a little.

Regards,

The Chinese Literature Club’s one true half-full bottle, who sloshes with real gusto, your old senior